Post Theme: Living Selflessly
“They can’t have his eyes!”
It was the most selfish thought I’d ever had. I knew it the moment I thought it, but I didn’t care. They couldn’t have his eyes.
Dad was gone. We stood in the hospital parking lot, faces still wet with tears, minds spinning, stomachs churning, hearts breaking, trying to manage the simple task of transferring items from one vehicle to another so we could all get to where we needed to be. As soon as Mom answered her cell phone, I knew what they wanted. My heart screamed, No! How could they ask such a thing? If it had been anything else, maybe. But not that. Not those eyes. Those beautiful, clear, loving eyes.
“But it might give someone sight!” you say. I know! And I knew it then, in my heart, but that scream — that scream was louder than my compassion.
My dad’s eyes were not suitable for transplant. The surgeries he’d had a year earlier determined the decision for everyone. But that night, my grief found a woeful companion in the memory of my selfishness. How could my heart be so stingy? Yes, it was crying out from a place of pain. Dangling from a cliff and feeling the request would cut the final thread. But still, it had chosen its own comfort over the well-being of another.
We live in a selfish world. Facebook is about us. Twitter, Instagram, coffee with friends, church, work, and surely the sun, moon, and stars are all about us. According to Google research we humans take 93,000,000 selfies worldwide EVERY DAY. It’s estimated that females age 16–25 spend five hours a week taking, editing, and posting selfies. So what is going on around us while we’re looking into our cameras and the universe is orbiting planet Me?
The scream of self drowns out the voice of compassion. How would our world be different if we chose a little less of self?
On September 8th, 1860, the steamship Lady Elgin collided with another boat. As the steamship broke apart, a young college lifeguard volunteered to help with the rescue of its passengers and crew. Giving no thought of his own life, Edward Spencer dove into the frigid waters. Over the next six hours, he fought against the waves and the undertow that pulled many back into the waters of Lake Michigan. Onlookers begged him to stop as they saw him injured by floating debris. But he pressed on, pulling one passenger after another to safety. By the time he collapsed from exhaustion and exposure, he had saved seventeen lives.
Selflessness makes a difference.
We all want our story to be a great story, but have you ever read a book, in which the selfish guy was the hero? And if the hero was selfish, did he maintain his selfishness in that do-or-die decision at the climax? Not usually. Selfishness is generally the driving force behind the villain. The guy who’s willing to risk his life, his career, or his reputation to do what’s right, to put someone or something else first — that guy makes the difference.
So if we want to make a difference in the world, we have to change our focus. I’m learning that living selflessly in a selfish world isn’t easy. It takes work in at least these seven areas:
1. Put God First
As Christians, this should be a no-brainer, but we don’t always get it right. And when we don’t — when the universe is orbiting planet Me — selfishness drowns out His voice. Jesus said in Mark 12:30 that the first commandment is to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. When we love Him that much, there is little room left for self.
2. Esteem Others Better than Yourself
What would our world look like if we practiced this? Jesus said the second commandment is to love our neighbor as ourselves. If we poured as much love on our neighbor as we do on ourselves, how would our relationships, our journey through hardships, and our level of joy change?
God did not stop there. Philippians 2:3 says, “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.” We are to consider others as more important — higher ranking — than ourselves. How does that affect our phone call with the telemarketer, our interaction with the grumpy man at the grocery store, or the slow (possibly discouraged) clerk at the DMV? This second commandment has the power to change our entire culture, but it won’t work without the first commandment.
3. Lose Sight of Social Norms
Selfless living doesn’t come with a paycheck. In fact, it usually comes at a cost. Social norms may keep us from making choices that put others first. Our culture says, “Go. Go. Go.” Selfless living may require us to slow down and bandage a wounded heart or to set aside social media so we can focus on the person in front of us. It may require living below the economic level of our peers. Those social norms can be gone in an instant, but the investments we make in one another last.
4. Begin with Little Things
We don’t have to start with big, bold acts of heroism. Selfless living begins with small choices. The choice to let someone else go first in line, to listen rather than to speak, to stop what I’m doing to help someone else, to share little things, to show kindness, thoughtfulness, and generosity.
5. Practice
Living selflessly takes intentional practice. We have to get up in the morning and purpose, by God’s grace, to ask ourselves in every moment, “How do I honor God and others first in this situation?” Good habits take time to develop. Don’t give up if you fail. We all fail. Like me in that hospital parking lot.
6. Don’t Let it Become a Point of Pride
The moment selfless living becomes a point of pride, it ceases to be selfless. In this sense, selflessness is much like humility.
7. Don’t Do it for Reward
While the purpose of living selflessly isn’t personal gain, there are rewards: a smile, a thank you, a life changed, or simply the knowledge that we did the right thing. Look for those things and rejoice in them. But remember, we may not always see them.
Edward Spencer never heard a thank you from those he rescued. For the rest of his life, the thought plagued him, “Did I do my best?” We don’t always see the full picture nor the fruit of our choice to put someone else first. Sometimes it even seems they squander our sacrifice. But that makes it no less the right thing. Paul said, “…I will very gladly spend and be spent for you; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I be loved.” (1 Cor. 12:15) We’re not in it for reward. We’re in it because it’s right.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be the onlooker, urging the hero out of the water. The selfless life isn’t easy, but it makes a difference. Christ Himself set the example. He asks no more of us than He as already given.
How has someone’s selfless act made a difference in your life? How can you make a difference for others?