Post Theme: Finding Purpose in Disappointment
Have you ever felt like a balloon that has lost its air, dropped to the ground, and been trampled? Crushed by the disappointment of deferred hope. Dreams shattered. Love unrequited. Promises Broken. In moments like these, we feel empty and ugly. Our sense of failure and brokenness overwhelm. So, how do we find purpose in deep disappointment?
Earlier this month, a huge disappointment brought things crashing down around me. I pushed through the next six days, doing what needed to be done with little time to stop and think about that horrible pain and shock still lingering in my heart. Always the weight of the new reality brought by that disappointment hung over me. It could — no, it would — change everything.
When I finally had a moment to stop, the pent-up ugliness spilled out. The disappointment, the questions, the discouragement, the uncertainty of what the future would look like, my sense of complete failure — all of it. That ugly spilling, of course, led to a greater sense of disappointment in myself. I prayed a lot. I had been praying already, but I prayed more. I mentally searched the Scriptures for something to grab on to. Promise after promise came to my mind, but somehow I couldn’t quite catch hold of them and hang on.
Finally, I went to my office when I knew no one would be around and pulled out my Bible. I needed to understand the purpose of what I passing through and how to deal with the empty, worn down feeling in my heart. I needed hope.
I opened my Bible to Proverbs 13:12, “Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.” Being a bit of a word nerd, I started chasing down the roots of each word. I wasn’t surprised by what I found until I got to the word translated sick — chalah. Of course, the word means to be sick or worn down, but it also refers to something unexpected — the polished stones of a woman’s jewelry.
Becoming Polished Stones
When I was a little girl, my grandma had a rock tumbler. The process intrigued me. How could a dull, ordinary rock go into that little machine and come out as a beautiful shiny stone? I gave little thought to the grinding that stone must go through. Time after time it must endure hardship, first mixed with coarse grit, then with a finer grit. Little did I consider that the stone must turn over and over, flipping upside down and in circles until all the rough edges have worn away.
Through our disappointed hopes, God, in His love, is polishing us. The wounds we feel so deeply, the disappointments, the embarrassments, and the failures are all part of the polishing process. But we must respond rightly. Unlike a stone, we have the choice to stay under the Lapidary’s hand or to resist. Resisting leaves us with an angry, resentful, ugly heart. But, opening our hand and surrendering to His plan renders that sheen of grace in which His own reflection can be seen.
So how do we come out on the other side of disappointment as a polished stone?
Take Time for Healing
When we get sick, we take a sick day. At least, we should. Our bodies need rest to fight off whatever ails us. The same is true with a heart made sick by disappointment. When my disappointment came, I kept pushing until I could push no further. It was Christmas time and, as the director of a non-profit, that means a lot of extra responsibilities. It wasn’t until I started studying Proverbs 13:12 that I realized my heart needed time both to be sick and to get better.
Disappointment is accompanied by grief. It is a form of loss, perhaps not of something tangible but certainly of something we were longing for or even depending upon. When we acknowledge this grief before God, we open up the opportunity to experience His great consolation. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).
Consider the Rough Edges
We all have rough edges. God uses our disappointments to expose and begin wearing away those jagged places. For me, it was the realization that I had put much hope in one thing, one event, rather than letting my confidence rest fully in God. Seeing that in myself, after more than 20 years in ministry, is humbling. This is a lesson I feel I should have learned long ago, and in many aspects I have, but apparently not in this one.
How grateful I am that we have a forgiving God. He waits lovingly for us to bring our rough edges to Him and comforts our hearts as we pass through the pain of the polishing.
Let Go of the Unknown
That morning as I stared at my computer, letting the reality of my failure sink in, darkness settled down around me. I sat safe in the circle of light that was God’s promise, “I will never leave you, nor forsake you.” Beyond that, however, grew up a dark forest of questions, fears, and unknowns.
This is often the case. God, through His Word, gives us enough light for the next step. Our tendency is to reach into the surrounding darkness, grasping at the questions and hoping to pull an answer out with them. Clinging to the unknown only drags us further into a tangle of fear and uncertainty. Meanwhile, God waits for us to realize the answers are not in the darkness. The sooner we let go of the unknown and take hold of the One who knows all the sooner our hearts will be at peace.
Surrender to the Master’s Work
I loved my grandma, but she was not a master lapidary. Polishing rocks was nothing more than a hobby for her. God, on the other hand, is skilled at grinding and chipping away the rough edges in our lives until He has made up a gem of great beauty. He gives us the ability to resist His work. But when we do, our disappointments, hardships, losses, and failures tend to crack and break us, making the gem smaller rather than enhancing the beauty the Master saw there.
Surrender is in opposition to pride. We want to make ourselves into what we want to be, into what we envision for ourselves. Our will often stands in the way of receiving God’s greatest working in our lives. But, surrender brings peace, restores hope, and gives us confidence in the purpose of our disappointment. Then our disappointments smooth the rough, jagged edges into a beautiful, polished surface, which reflects the love and grace of the One who has promised to finish the work He began in us.
Maybe as others approach the New Year with hope and anticipation, you are coming to it through a time of disappointment. What practical steps can you take to embrace the polishing process? How can you take time to heal? What does letting go of the unknown and the letting the Master do His work look like for you?